Lent

Tomorrow begins the Lenten Season. I've always misunderstood Lent. In the past, I've tried (half-heartedly) to give up sweets or social media. I don't think it worked because my reasons for giving these things up were entirely selfish. I chose to give up sweets out of concern for my physical health, and I chose to give up social media out of concern for my academics. Lent isn't just another time to make New Year's Resolutions that you'll forget after the first few days. Lent is about spiritual health.

Something I've been working on this year is my tendency towards self-reliance. This past fall, I stopped making plans for my future (or at least started to stop making plans for my future). I had spent so many years worrying about what was next and trying to control the path my life was taking. Perpetual self-reliance was not healthy for me--emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. I couldn't have a closeness with Jesus because I wasn't allowing him to direct my life. So in the fall, I decided to surrender some of my plans. I didn't apply for grad schools. I didn't look for a job. And maybe that's just foolishness, but the peace I experienced about those decisions convinced me otherwise.

I am convinced community works in the same way. My self-reliance wasn't just about refusing to surrender to Jesus. My self-reliance was about my unwillingness to allow any other being take care of me or know my vulnerabilities. Because I was unwilling to be vulnerable, I was unable to form close relationships. When I started living in community, I slowly began to open up to the idea of being surrounded by a group of girls who demanded vulnerability. I remember being chastised for not calling for a ride home from work or for not letting anyone else pay for my food. But now, I feel like "Lean on Me" is sometimes our house's theme song. Our relationships are so strong because we let each other know our vulnerabilities and take care of our needs.

Think about it this way: What is more vulnerable than giving another person agency in your own life? What is more intimate than allowing another person to take care of you? Closeness with Jesus and closeness within community are so dependent on our willingness to give up our self-reliance.