I've been dreaming about this trip I'm taking to South America for almost a year now. I finally summoned the courage to buy the flight to Quito (one-way!) at the end of July, but the reality has only just set in. I'm going to South America! Alone! With very little knowledge of Spanish! I've encountered a variety of responses from friends and strangers when they hear this news. Disbelief, envy, fear, and excitment are most common. I've gotten lots of advice, too, and I don't know if I'd be going at all if it hadn't been for all the people who shared their wisdom and experiences with me along the way.
Several friends, after I've told them about my adventure, have mentioned Cheryl Strayed's Wild as well as Elizabeth Gilbert's Eat, Pray, Love journey. I'd read Gilbert's a few years ago, and a coworker gave me Wild, which I finished just this week. How strange to be compared to these women! I'm flattered, of course, but reading their memoirs and thinking about my own trip has me reflecting on my reasons for going. It is not out of desperation. I haven't hit rock-bottom: gotten a divorce, dealt with unfaithfulness and a drug problem. At worst, it is because I am tired and bored and want to feel renewed and amazed again.
Of course, on a very practical level, I am taking this trip to learn Spanish. I also think it's important that I take care of my wanderlust (for the time being) before going back to school and commit to three to four years in the U.S. While I want these reasons to remain on my mind as I travel, I also want to think about broader "intentions" like Gilbert's to eat, pray, and love.
Every once in awhile, I have to remind myself of this feeling of awe I had last spring in a cave in Arkansas (I tried to write about it here). Those 10 minutes in the cave are how I want to experience all of life. It's completely unrealistic to expect that, and I can't imagine I'd get anything done if that dream came true. Still, awe, to me, is one of the most precious emotions. Awe (and it's friend delight) is how I feel closeness with the Divine, Mystery.
In the past several months, however, I have felt more and more distant from Mystery. I have rarely been in awe of anything at all. A lot of this has to do with living in this big city and not taking the time or not having the opportunity to escape it--to find some place in the woods or to sit still on a cliff above a lake (like I used to do in Iowa City). This has always been how I "pray," but if I don't choose to be with God and experience God, how can I claim a faith and a relationship with God at all?
All that to say, I think I want my intention for this trip to be "awe." And that means being open to experiencing delight not just at Machu Picchu, but with the ordinariness of city life in Quito, with the people I meet along the way, with the work I'll do at school and on the farm. I want to learn, through this trip, to be open to wonder at everything I encounter, no matter what continent I'm on.
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