Be Still

Right now, more than ever, I can almost feel the hands of God gripping my shoulders, shaking me back and forth--not gently, but forcefully. Be still, Virginia. Be still, be still, be still. BE STILL.*

Part of this is because I'm currently surrounded by many holy women; I live with three Catholic sisters and work with a fourth. And on top of that, I have countless mentors, reminding me, always: be present, be at peace, be. I hear this at my job, in my home, during prayer, during church. The only problem with being still is that my entire being is against it.

I like action. I want to serve; I want to do. I want to tutor kids, volunteer with hospice, bake bread for my community, bike to work, go camping, mentor a teenage refugee, grow a garden, build things, keep bees (what a ridiculous thing, but yes, I want to do it!), make art, play music, advocate for ALL the causes I care about, become a lawyer, learn Spanish, travel the world.

Some of this (in a generous view of what generally motivates Virginia), is a desperate need to be one with those around me. To love, to serve, and to become one with all of God's children (even all of God's creation). Jesus says, "Love your neighbor as yourself." I want to live this so much. But often, in the midst of [relentlessly, tirelessly] doing this, I find myself with these hands on my shoulders, demanding that I be still, and instead of listening, I shout back, "Leave me alone, God! Can't you see I'm trying to love your people?!"

Be still is God's mercy manifest. It is God's You have done enough to my own "I can never do enough." It is also the preface to Know that I am God, the reminder that I, Virginia, am not.

Jesus says, "Love your neighbor as yourself," but right before that he says, "Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind." And sometimes that means being still and centering my heart, soul, strength, and mind in God, knowing that God is always enough for when my enough is not.

When I've done all I can possibly do to end the world's suffering and injustice, I can rest in God's mercy. And when I've burned out and felt depressed (because, of course, I can never possibly end the world's suffering and injustice), and I spend an entire weekend watching Netflix and eating unholy amounts of chocolate, then too, I can rest in God's mercy. Because even as the world continues to be a place of disunity and pain: He is God, and in that I am still.

~~~

*I imagine God speaks in italics, not in quotes because I think italics are felt more than they are heard... and I have always felt God more than I have heard God.

**And before anyone misunderstands, let me clarify: service is not something I feel like I HAVE to do in order to be "all right" with God. It is not by works that I am saved, but my faith without works would be dead.